Pull out that trombone and assemble the parade because WINK came in 2nd at his cub scout pinewood derby today! He's actually going to compete at the district derby next month. If you don't know what the pinewood derby is- because I sure didn't until last year- it's a car race. Scouts and their dads carve the cars out of wood, paint, and assemble (wheels, weights). It's a riot to see how creative some of the cars are. But WINK's Swiss cheese car (yes...carved to look like a wedge of cheese) was one of the few that was obviously worked on by a father/son team, with hand tools instead of power tools, at the kitchen table.
None of us expected him to do so well. That sounds bad, but I mean that we never talked about the competition aspect of the race. But each time WINK's car pulled ahead of the other cars in the qualifying races (three cars race at a time, each car races six times, twice on each of three ramps), DAD and I just stared at each other, open mouthed, from across the room. I don't know how DAD kept his tone neutral as he MC'd the evening. WINK showed little reaction when he won the first and second time. But by the third, fourth, FIFTH, he was jumping up and flexing his spaghetti arms in a weight lifter pose, his little wrists and hands turned awkwardly in toward his head. My little champion.
After a short snack break, the top ten racers were announced. WINK was third. After they raced, the winners were announced in reverse order. SMILE and I were sitting, truly, on the edges of our seats. I managed to stay composed but six year olds know nothing of diplomacy.SECOND PLACE!! DAD and WINK ran over and we all became six year olds. And that's a very good thing.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Monday, January 24, 2011
My funny boy
Sure, "sweet," "smart," and "silly" are all words to describe my WINK , but I think the first word people would use to describe him is "quiet." Teachers have actually hi-fived me some of the few times he's misbehaved in class. He's THAT quiet.
But he had a huge breakthrough this weekend. WINK's social skills teacher (in a weekend class he attends at a facility for children on the spectrum) walked up to DAD and us this weekend with a huge, satisfied smile on his face. He said his moment of triumph was when all the boys in the class gathered around a hockey game. The other boys were being very loud and rowdy so Rob, the facilitator, said he was on his way over there to ask them to be quiet (he specifically had WINK's shy nature in mind). But right as he was about to start in on his request for order, WINK let out a rebel yell, fist pump included, and bellowed, "COME ON GUYS! WE HAVE TO DO THIS!"
Huh. There you have it! For the rest of the weekend, WINK did some typical kid and some atypical things. He watched THE KARATE KID remake and loved it (although he still prefers THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE). He went bowling with DAD and SMILE. But he also had a breakdown over pizza and his ratty but much-loved stuffed animal. Oh well.
But my favorite moment was several hours ago. SMILE is, unfortunately, sick with a stomach bug. I hate to see him sick but I do think it's endearing when he ramps up his need for cuddles. It wasn't me who provided the extra attention this time, though. I didn't get the chance because WINK positioned himself at SMILE's side and calmly tickled his back during story time.
Huh...again. I met a grandfather this weekend who was sitting in the waiting room with the other parents whose children are in WINK's social skills group. He chatted openly with the group and his love for his grandchildren radiated out of him. "I'll tell you," he beamed, "these kids {children with autism spectrum disorders} are amazing if you know what to look for."
It's sometimes easy to forget...but he's absolutely right.
But he had a huge breakthrough this weekend. WINK's social skills teacher (in a weekend class he attends at a facility for children on the spectrum) walked up to DAD and us this weekend with a huge, satisfied smile on his face. He said his moment of triumph was when all the boys in the class gathered around a hockey game. The other boys were being very loud and rowdy so Rob, the facilitator, said he was on his way over there to ask them to be quiet (he specifically had WINK's shy nature in mind). But right as he was about to start in on his request for order, WINK let out a rebel yell, fist pump included, and bellowed, "COME ON GUYS! WE HAVE TO DO THIS!"
Huh. There you have it! For the rest of the weekend, WINK did some typical kid and some atypical things. He watched THE KARATE KID remake and loved it (although he still prefers THE SORCERER'S APPRENTICE). He went bowling with DAD and SMILE. But he also had a breakdown over pizza and his ratty but much-loved stuffed animal. Oh well.
But my favorite moment was several hours ago. SMILE is, unfortunately, sick with a stomach bug. I hate to see him sick but I do think it's endearing when he ramps up his need for cuddles. It wasn't me who provided the extra attention this time, though. I didn't get the chance because WINK positioned himself at SMILE's side and calmly tickled his back during story time.
Huh...again. I met a grandfather this weekend who was sitting in the waiting room with the other parents whose children are in WINK's social skills group. He chatted openly with the group and his love for his grandchildren radiated out of him. "I'll tell you," he beamed, "these kids {children with autism spectrum disorders} are amazing if you know what to look for."
It's sometimes easy to forget...but he's absolutely right.
Friday, January 21, 2011
A Spotlight for WINK
I realized recently that, although I have blogged about WINK before, SMILE's tantrums and struggles have taken center stage. No wonder, really. That little man (with classic autism) keeps me hopping, on my toes, and jumping through hoops all day. But...if someone were to ask me, and many have, which child I worry about more, which one has me staying up late with anxiety, and which one I'm more frantic to protect, it's my aspie, WINK (an "aspie" is what many people, affectionately, call children with aspergers)
It's hard for me to pinpoint why. I adore them both and they both have problems that are bigger than they are. But...WINK has a vulnerability that SMILE doesn't have. SMILE lives in his own world but he has an unshakable confidence that, once he learns more coping skills, will leave people begging to get into it. But WINK...gets thrown by people.
Part of the reason for this is that WINK, unlike some children with aspergers or the most common perception of aspergers, desperately wants to be with people and feel connected to them. He just doesn't know how to do it. He doesn't have that protective veil between himself and the world, that other worldly-ness that SMILE has. WINK is so aware that he doesn't fit in that he shuts down around his peers, the very people he wants to accept him. And when he does interact with "friends," it's never long before he says or does something that would test the patience of a saint.
Since WINK doesn't understand the mechanics of conversation, he will often "lecture" on a topic rather than discuss it. He talks too long and, when he's done, often changes directions. There's a natural turn-taking in a conversation that alludes him. I often get frustrated when he asks another question while I've only begun to answer the first one or asks an unrelated question while I'm still speaking . He's no better at understanding the non-verbal aspects of conversation, either. He will play with his pencil while I'm speaking, walk out of the room, yawn and put his head down, etc. and all without meaning to be rude. He does not pick up on verbal or non-verbal cues from others, either. Other people's gestures, facial expressions, etc, that are meant to convey a feeling, are often lost on him. A funny example, but a telling one, involves our dog. Max often squeezes himself between me and WINK (or any adult/child combo). When that happens, WINK squeals, "Max wants to cuddle me." And when Max growls a half inch from WINK's face (because he insists on approaching him head on while hugging and kissing him), he adds, "Ooh! He loves me!"
WINK also does not censure his thoughts or ideas. He has trouble shifting perspective, so he rarely considers how what he says may affect others, so he says exactly what he is thinking most of the time (the only exception is when he very obviously struggles to use what he has learned form me, DAD, his TSS, etc). One of the sites I listed below calls this "mindblindness." That's a perfect term because children with aspergers are blind to inferences. If he's winning a game, WINK will tell a playmate, "I'm better at this game that you are," not because he's being mean or even competitive, but because he's stating a fact. He calls adults old. He pouts over presents and asks, "Is that it?" He blurts out statements on a regular basis that have DAD and I scrambling to cover up. And his response is always the same. "Well...it's true." Sounds bratty, right? The amazing thing, though, is that it isn't. If we let on that he's upset someone, he's devastated and immediately confused. If he corrects DAD and my "gentle phrasing" or attempts to redirect SMILE (i.e. if we tell SMILE we don't have his favorite CD in the car, WINK will rat us out and say the CD is actually broken), he becomes anxious and rigid when we try to shush him. "But it's true," he's likely to wail.
Add to that clumsiness, erratic movements (arm flapping in his case), scripting (quoting TV shows instead of initiating conversation), and non-stop fidgeting, and it's easy to see that WINK has a lot of strikes against him. Oh, and he has a hard time understanding common phrases. He would ask me to explain what having "strikes" means. I once told him it was his "turn up at bat" (his turn) while he was playing with a friend. He froze, looked at me, and said, "But we're playing tennis."
Oh, my WINK is a complicated little guy. He has the gentlest, kindest soul (also common with asperger kids). He's genuine and good, super smart, and already argues like a professor or attorney. But...if I had the power, I'd take away his aspergers if it meant I could protect him and make him less vulnerable (Aspie kids are prone to OCD and depression). And if WINK were no longer WINK, it would be a shame. His kind of sweetness could change the world. But I lay awake at night worrying that the unchanged world will change him first.
"Six Characteristics of Aspergers Syndrome"
http://life.familyeducation.com/aspergers/characteristics/66244.html
"Types of Aspergers and their subgroups"
http://www.livingwithaspergers.com/types-of-aspergers.html
It's hard for me to pinpoint why. I adore them both and they both have problems that are bigger than they are. But...WINK has a vulnerability that SMILE doesn't have. SMILE lives in his own world but he has an unshakable confidence that, once he learns more coping skills, will leave people begging to get into it. But WINK...gets thrown by people.
Part of the reason for this is that WINK, unlike some children with aspergers or the most common perception of aspergers, desperately wants to be with people and feel connected to them. He just doesn't know how to do it. He doesn't have that protective veil between himself and the world, that other worldly-ness that SMILE has. WINK is so aware that he doesn't fit in that he shuts down around his peers, the very people he wants to accept him. And when he does interact with "friends," it's never long before he says or does something that would test the patience of a saint.
Since WINK doesn't understand the mechanics of conversation, he will often "lecture" on a topic rather than discuss it. He talks too long and, when he's done, often changes directions. There's a natural turn-taking in a conversation that alludes him. I often get frustrated when he asks another question while I've only begun to answer the first one or asks an unrelated question while I'm still speaking . He's no better at understanding the non-verbal aspects of conversation, either. He will play with his pencil while I'm speaking, walk out of the room, yawn and put his head down, etc. and all without meaning to be rude. He does not pick up on verbal or non-verbal cues from others, either. Other people's gestures, facial expressions, etc, that are meant to convey a feeling, are often lost on him. A funny example, but a telling one, involves our dog. Max often squeezes himself between me and WINK (or any adult/child combo). When that happens, WINK squeals, "Max wants to cuddle me." And when Max growls a half inch from WINK's face (because he insists on approaching him head on while hugging and kissing him), he adds, "Ooh! He loves me!"
WINK also does not censure his thoughts or ideas. He has trouble shifting perspective, so he rarely considers how what he says may affect others, so he says exactly what he is thinking most of the time (the only exception is when he very obviously struggles to use what he has learned form me, DAD, his TSS, etc). One of the sites I listed below calls this "mindblindness." That's a perfect term because children with aspergers are blind to inferences. If he's winning a game, WINK will tell a playmate, "I'm better at this game that you are," not because he's being mean or even competitive, but because he's stating a fact. He calls adults old. He pouts over presents and asks, "Is that it?" He blurts out statements on a regular basis that have DAD and I scrambling to cover up. And his response is always the same. "Well...it's true." Sounds bratty, right? The amazing thing, though, is that it isn't. If we let on that he's upset someone, he's devastated and immediately confused. If he corrects DAD and my "gentle phrasing" or attempts to redirect SMILE (i.e. if we tell SMILE we don't have his favorite CD in the car, WINK will rat us out and say the CD is actually broken), he becomes anxious and rigid when we try to shush him. "But it's true," he's likely to wail.
Add to that clumsiness, erratic movements (arm flapping in his case), scripting (quoting TV shows instead of initiating conversation), and non-stop fidgeting, and it's easy to see that WINK has a lot of strikes against him. Oh, and he has a hard time understanding common phrases. He would ask me to explain what having "strikes" means. I once told him it was his "turn up at bat" (his turn) while he was playing with a friend. He froze, looked at me, and said, "But we're playing tennis."
Oh, my WINK is a complicated little guy. He has the gentlest, kindest soul (also common with asperger kids). He's genuine and good, super smart, and already argues like a professor or attorney. But...if I had the power, I'd take away his aspergers if it meant I could protect him and make him less vulnerable (Aspie kids are prone to OCD and depression). And if WINK were no longer WINK, it would be a shame. His kind of sweetness could change the world. But I lay awake at night worrying that the unchanged world will change him first.
"Six Characteristics of Aspergers Syndrome"
http://life.familyeducation.com/aspergers/characteristics/66244.html
"Types of Aspergers and their subgroups"
http://www.livingwithaspergers.com/types-of-aspergers.html
Monday, January 17, 2011
New beginnings
I have to pay a lot of respect to the talented team of professionals- with some recent revisions- I'm blessed to have for my boys. Their new BSC is fabulous! After meeting with my boys ONCE, she returned armed with social stories for WINK (which are short stories about common situations and the appropriate reactions to them), laminated dinner conversation prompts for the family, and a laminated shopping list with colorful tabs for SMILE. That list allowed me to take SMILE food shopping- the first successful trip in over two years! It's only been three weeks, but DAD and I are already seeing some improvements. WINK is asking more questions about other people's feelings, thoughts, etc. and, just yesterday, successfully navigated a play date (the play date was with his "cousins"- my best friends three children- but WINK played with Xavier for roughly five hours).
But the hero of the month is one of WINK's two TSSes. Lauren...is remarkable. She is the only TSS I've worked with who includes me in the sessions. I find myself looking forward to WINK's sessions with her because they are comfortable. Lauren is social and we often chat while WINK is working on a task. That may seem counter-productive but, when you're dealing with a child with Aspergers, modeling a conversation is a great teachable moment. But, unlike the other TSSes who are gentle, patient, and competent with my boys (I have no complaints, really), Lauren seems to actually get a kick out of WINK. And that's amazing to see. WINK is a loving, intelligent, generous little boy. But,,,well...he's often socially inappropriate without knowing he is and so awkward with his peers it makes me cringe. But he's so funny, too. He talks like a little lawyer all the time and constantly calls me out for every inconsistency in my parenting style. It would be annoying if he wasn't usually right and I would put a stop to it if he meant any disrespect. But he doesn't. His favorite phrase is "I believe that's true" and he sticks it in as the closing of every argument. And when Lauren is here, she laughs a lot the entire time. And, for those two and a half hours a week, WINK gets to know what it's like to be appreciated for who he is (and how he is) by someone he's not related to.
What a gift.
But the hero of the month is one of WINK's two TSSes. Lauren...is remarkable. She is the only TSS I've worked with who includes me in the sessions. I find myself looking forward to WINK's sessions with her because they are comfortable. Lauren is social and we often chat while WINK is working on a task. That may seem counter-productive but, when you're dealing with a child with Aspergers, modeling a conversation is a great teachable moment. But, unlike the other TSSes who are gentle, patient, and competent with my boys (I have no complaints, really), Lauren seems to actually get a kick out of WINK. And that's amazing to see. WINK is a loving, intelligent, generous little boy. But,,,well...he's often socially inappropriate without knowing he is and so awkward with his peers it makes me cringe. But he's so funny, too. He talks like a little lawyer all the time and constantly calls me out for every inconsistency in my parenting style. It would be annoying if he wasn't usually right and I would put a stop to it if he meant any disrespect. But he doesn't. His favorite phrase is "I believe that's true" and he sticks it in as the closing of every argument. And when Lauren is here, she laughs a lot the entire time. And, for those two and a half hours a week, WINK gets to know what it's like to be appreciated for who he is (and how he is) by someone he's not related to.
What a gift.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
So Excited
My wonderful husband made my little blog into a website. It's still under construction, but my new site is www.aspergersandpickles.com. I will still be posting my blog here (blogger) but there is a link on my site that opens a window so you can read my posts and comments on my site, too. I'm actually writing this from my website. Does it sound like I know what I'm talking about? I so don't. Basically, I've been telling my husband what I want and he has been making it magically happen.
I'm really excited about this change, though. I've loved blogging but I've been wanting to do more, more, more. My plans for my website (Is it just me or does that really sound awesome?) include a resource page where readers can find more information on certain subjects and a "It's Worked For ME" column where I will post little blurbs about techniques I've used to get me and my boys through day to day sticky situations. If everything goes well, my readers will be able to input info for that column, too, because I'm sure there will be times that I'm going to want to hear solutions from readers (like all the time...). But I have no idea how to make that part a reality. Maybe I'll have a page for success stories, too. SMILE makes improvements so often but they are not always so significant to warrant a whole post. But I'd still love to chronicle them. Hmmm....the possibilities...
So check it out! It's not up and running yet but I had a fabulously talented artist do the illustrations. Okay, okay...it's WINK. But I can't help but smile when I see them because his beautiful heart shines through each one.
Eeeek! I mean "Enjoy."
I'm really excited about this change, though. I've loved blogging but I've been wanting to do more, more, more. My plans for my website (Is it just me or does that really sound awesome?) include a resource page where readers can find more information on certain subjects and a "It's Worked For ME" column where I will post little blurbs about techniques I've used to get me and my boys through day to day sticky situations. If everything goes well, my readers will be able to input info for that column, too, because I'm sure there will be times that I'm going to want to hear solutions from readers (like all the time...). But I have no idea how to make that part a reality. Maybe I'll have a page for success stories, too. SMILE makes improvements so often but they are not always so significant to warrant a whole post. But I'd still love to chronicle them. Hmmm....the possibilities...
So check it out! It's not up and running yet but I had a fabulously talented artist do the illustrations. Okay, okay...it's WINK. But I can't help but smile when I see them because his beautiful heart shines through each one.
Eeeek! I mean "Enjoy."
Saturday, January 1, 2011
A Colorful New Year...
I can't say I'm sad to see 2010 end. This has been a rough year, full of doctor appointments, psych evaluations, crying jags in the bathroom, and shouting from the rooftops. Where every other year I can remember from my past has had their roller-coaster moments, this one has been a series of flume rides. Exciting, yes, but at the end of every big splash, I've still been left all wet with nowhere else to go unless I climb back in the log.
So, goodbye to 2010. You know, I tried to explain pregnancy to WINK shortly after SMILE was born. He asked why babies grow inside mommies' tummies. I said it's like caterpillars living inside cocoons. WINK gasped, his eyes wide with toddler wonder, and shrieked, "SMILE's a butterfly!"
Roughly six years later, I can't help but wonder if WINK had been right. Who knows how the future will unfold for my boys or how high they'll soar. I'm hopeful for this year.
A friend of mine once said that if you focus on problems, they always get bigger. But if you focus on solutions, the problems get smaller. I think that may be true. No, to quote my little WINK, "I believe that this is so." 2011 will be hard. My boys are getting older and the gap between their behavior and that of their peers is growing. But I've learned a lot, acquired a team of professionals, and taken a few tentative steps past the person I was before the evaluation results and toward the person I will need to become. Sounds a little like I'm a butterfly too. But no. I'm still the cocoon and it's still the best job around.
Happy New Year.
So, goodbye to 2010. You know, I tried to explain pregnancy to WINK shortly after SMILE was born. He asked why babies grow inside mommies' tummies. I said it's like caterpillars living inside cocoons. WINK gasped, his eyes wide with toddler wonder, and shrieked, "SMILE's a butterfly!"
Roughly six years later, I can't help but wonder if WINK had been right. Who knows how the future will unfold for my boys or how high they'll soar. I'm hopeful for this year.
A friend of mine once said that if you focus on problems, they always get bigger. But if you focus on solutions, the problems get smaller. I think that may be true. No, to quote my little WINK, "I believe that this is so." 2011 will be hard. My boys are getting older and the gap between their behavior and that of their peers is growing. But I've learned a lot, acquired a team of professionals, and taken a few tentative steps past the person I was before the evaluation results and toward the person I will need to become. Sounds a little like I'm a butterfly too. But no. I'm still the cocoon and it's still the best job around.
Happy New Year.
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