I don't know how to swim. I'm not proud of it but I've never learned. So, I've always wadded in the shallow sections of pools or used boards or rings to float. But I've very rarely drifted over to the deep end and, the few times I have, I've struggled wildly to get back to a point where I can plant my feet back on the ground.
I've often felt like my journey with autism has been like using floaties in a pool. But, for me, I've been safe in the shallow side. Until now.
I just received SMILE's official results for the A(utism) D(isorder) O(bservation) S(cale) test he had done in November. He scored higher than I originally thought so he is in the "real" autism category rather than "mild".. The results came with another envelop that detailed the results of blood work. Turns out, SMILE has duplicate information on chromosome 22 and that is likely to cause developmental delays and is common in children on the ASD spectrum. I barely understand this but our next step is getting blood work done on me and DAD to see if we have this...I don't know....mutation?...too.
So...this is real now. Funny, because I would have said it was real to me before, that I made myself accept this as soon as he was diagnosed eight month ago. Or even before that. An hour ago, I would have said I accepted this as real the day I observed him in his pre-school room 11 months ago and just sort of knew that my son was autistic. But the thing about a diagnosis of autism is that there is no definitive test that can pinpoint that, yep, it's autism. But now...here is this paper that states clearly that SMILE has a concrete deviation in his genetic makeup.
Don't misunderstand me, though. I adore my little puzzle piece (both of them!). This news doesn't change how I see him or the prognosis I have set for him (because, excuse me, screw the doctors). He'll be fine. It's just that... he's not going to outgrow this. I didn't realize until just this moment that I had been holding on to that irrational hope. So now what?
Learn to swim, I guess.
Great metaphor! Seems to me you've already passed the wading-deep phase and are starting to get comfortable with your face in the water. You're on your way to becoming a real PRO. If you don't end up an instructor, I'll eat my flippers!
ReplyDeleteThanks for the vote of confidence. We had a fabulous Christmas and I feel like I've regained my footing a bit.
ReplyDeleteOk so I read these blogs with tears in my eyes little Miss... Love the metaphor also, you have a way with them, but in keeping with the theme dear you have been swimming laps through your life for as long as I have known u, 20 years, Everytime some tries to push u down u rise back up and you r kicking and screaming for answers... I could never, and I mean NEVER, deal with all you do with such finesse and although sometimes I Know it's a facade( I know you to the core), you have been built on a strong foundation,and love just so it's clear, YOU built it brick by brick. It's been a constant marvel and pleasure to watch YOU soar and those lovely butterflies of yours will rise with you and sometimes scale down a bit, but never fall cause you are the wind beneath their wings! I love you so much and have such respect for you and all you continue to accomplish! Ok
ReplyDeleteI'm done now! ;0)! Xxoo